Recently I have been reading and thinking about adult development and its relevance to coaching. I have talked with others (family, friends and associates) about the various stages of coaching and I thought of applying these theories to Donald Trump (President Trump, as a leader of a large, complex organization).
With the previous thinking in mind, it occurred to me that President Trump may be in the pre-dependent stage – which would go a long way in explaining why he behaves like he does! “Right on!” – I thought – “that could be it!” And what does the literature tell us about how to coach someone at that stage? This thought process took me to a more open head-space than I had been in before, which lead to more research and eventually the thought of sharing my musings…
A brief overview of Adult Development Theory
There are lots of adult development theories. But, most describe a similar process: When we are in our teens most of us move into the pre-dependence stage, which we can think of as the “it’s all about me” stage. This reminds me of relationships with my kids at certain stages of their lives, and me in the past (before I became aware of it). The person who thinks this way thinks only through a lens of their own needs and wants. To ask them to take into the views of others is a meaningless request – they just don’t think like that.
The vast majority of adults transition into the dependent stage. This is the “have I done the right thing?” stage. At this stage of development I can talk to you about my values and beliefs, but when it comes down to the crunch, I need validation from ‘significant others’. Life gets very tough if my ‘significant others’ are pulling me in different directions.
Some of us then transition into the independent stage. This is the “I know who I am” stage. If significant others are pulling me in two different directions, I have a grounded sense of what I think is the right thing to do, that I can refer to. I can make unpopular decisions without lying awake at night wondering if I’ve done the right thing.
Finally, we have the integrative stage. This is the “there is no “one” truth” stage. I still have values and beliefs, but I can see them for what they are. I can see how they emerged from my own life experiences. I can see how other people’s values and beliefs are equally valid. And I can see that I am not necessarily defined by those values and beliefs that all we human beings share a great deal in common – even if it appears otherwise.
Now, About Donald Trump
The adult development theorists suggest that there are very few adults still at the pre-dependent stage, but there are some. They tend not to come across as empathetic, so attract labels such as “sociopath” or even “psychopath”. Most of us are somewhere between dependent and independent, with again only a few of us at the integrative stage. There is no good or bad place to be, but if we are dealing with complexity – then we will likely find it easier at the more developed stages.
From a coaching perspective, a lot of people are on the road from dependent to independent. The coach may be of use in helping the protégé differentiate between their own values and beliefs and the needs of others. Some people are on the road from independent to integrative. The coach might add value by helping the protégé see that not everyone looks at the world the way they do; that there exist multiple perspectives. Helping someone transition from pre-dependent to dependent is tough, but is about helping the protégé notice that other people have feelings and thoughts too, and that it may be useful to spend some time considering those perspectives.., Thereby, helping people to develop empathy.
Where then is Donald Trump? We can only guess, and it’s just a theory, but I reckon my friend may be right. President Trump does seem to think principally in terms of his own needs and his sense of what needs to happen. Since he’s moved into office, he has focused on getting done those things he can do without having to defer to congress. He really doesn’t seem to tune into other people’s needs. Would someone empathetic really behave with women the way he has in the past?
Or is he a “nasty” independent person? It’s often quite hard to tell the difference between pre-dependent and independent. But, would someone who is really confident in them-self appear so sensitive to what others say? Every time someone says something unflattering about him – he immediately responds with a dismissive tweet. And he keeps telling us how smart he is. Why?
Coaching Donald Trump
The theorists say we embark upon a transition when we have to. Otherwise we keep thinking the way we have always thought. So, although coaching Donald Trump may have been impossible in the past, the opportunity may soon arise. Surely the democratic process going to demand of President Trump that he engage with others and that he must take on boarder points of view. Surely there will come a time when he finds himself blocked, and finds that others have little sympathy, regarding all of those big promised that he has made.
Those who voted for him may not buy into an “it’s not my fault – it’s theirs” argument if congress blocks him. He may find himself floundering for a different way of going about things (this is when coaching may become helpful to Donald Trump and the rest of the country, if not the world). The coach would need to be sensitive to signs that the President was searching for a new way of thinking, behaving and being perceived; and would need to recognize those cues and provide a course of action that would support the journey. The facts are that some of those cues may already be present (i.e., the tweets, the ‘I’m smart’ comments…).
So, this is why there could be reason for some optimism today. Maybe Donald Trump is on a journey, and becoming President may be just the kind of experience that will help him transition into a more empathetic, wise and “coach-able” human being. Or am I a hopeful dreamer?
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