How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You – The deep insights you need to stop pleasing other people forever. http://www.actualized.org 100+ Greatest Perso…
No bird soars too high, if it soars with its own wings… — Friedrich Nietzsche
No bird soars too high, if it soars with its own wings… — Friedrich Nietzsche
*Great advice Leo!* *Really* enjoyed this video, and your content is great
in general! One of the better examples of *USEFUL* self-help in the current
community.
If you liked this video, I recommend you watch these related videos too:
1) How To Be Yourself – Become Your Authentic Self Right Now
2) How To Love Yourself – How To Like Who You Are Right Now
3) How To Overcome Shyness – Transform Yourself Into An Extrovert
4) Self Confidence – The Two Essential Avenues For Building Confidence
Life beats us all up enough as it is. Some have REALLY hard lives. Who
doesn’t need uplifting ? and Who DOES need to be brought down?
I think it’s safe to assume this to be true for everyone you meet.
If one chooses , one can be uplifted by simple kindness. It can have a
HUGE impact on someone, particularly if they are in the midst of hardship
or heartache.
In absence of kindness, absence of rudeness or negativity is also
acceptable.
Assume others are suffering.
You’ve no idea what another person might be going through. For all you know
they could have just lost someone they love or going through a hardship.
Wouldn’t be a long shot to assume they are , so BE KIND.
And if you cannot be kind then be quiet.
Why offer negativity to someone?
Watch yourself and if you are tempted to say something mean? Stop yourself
and figure out why? Chances are it is because you feel badly, someone hurt
you and now it makes you feel better to make someone else feel bad. Instead
STOP, because that isn’t REALLY feeling better. Want to feel better?
Uplift someone, or find someone to talk to HONESTLY about you feeling hurt.
Don’t just go around hurting others by being rude.
It is amazing the effect a mere smile or act of kindness can do to uplift
someone (and they may be in GREAT need at the time you offer a smile or
kind word) , they may have REALLY needed to see a smile right then or hear
a kind word, likewise they may need a rude comment like a hole in the head
and it can cause them to feel worse than they do already, and it could push
them over the edge. I know I’ve been there. Both ways feeling so low, that
a stranger’s kindness made all the difference in the world, and someone’s
thoughtlessness or rudeness when I was down, how upsetting that is.
Our words and gestures DO impact others, so use the Golden Rule, Treat
others the way you’d like to be treated!
and “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”
After seeing your video fully, I can say I can relate to it 100%, it’s
basically described my whole life until this point(I’m 25, by the way).
I’ve been struggling with these problems that I have, my whole life, but I
didn’t fully realised them until 2-3 years ago. I’ve realized I’m dependent
of other people’s opinion, I need validation from random strangers that my
opinions are “ok”, are “right”, and that I’m not doing anything “wrong” or
I’m not “stupid”, after getting into many conflicts over the internet about
all sorts of subjective stuff like, video games, or movies or music or
whatever.
I worried so much about what might some random strangers think of “this
movie, or music”, and I felt bad, I’ve felt ashamed or guilty that I like
stuff that others dislike, that others think it’s “crap”, that others
basically disapprove. I’ve rationalized it, I asked myself,”why do I even
bother what others say about this thing”, “why does it bother me so much
that other think that this movie is crap ?”, etc.
I came to the conclusion that i’m insecure, I doubt myself alot, I need
validation, I need approval, because otherwise I’m confused, I’m like a
broken compass, I don’t know what’s “good” and what’s “bad”, what’s “wrong”
and what’s “right”, and this applies to everything, from what things I like
to how I think, to what I do.
Being on the internet, I’ve argued with many strangers, I didn’t know what
they will say, I was exposed, and it bothered me alot, it affected
me when random strangers called me stupid, or tasteless because I dared to
say that I like something that they consider “crap”. I started to doubt
myself more and more, questioning my own opinions, and it stressed me out,
it overwhelmed me. Now I realize it’s so stupid, there isn’t the “right
opinion” to subjective and relative stuff like what movies you like or
games you play or music you listen to, but I used to think there is a
“right” answer, and doubted myself because others had different opinions
then mine.
The problem is that those things even if I rationalized them, still bother
me to some extent, I’ve realized so many things about myself in the past
year but I’ve failed to put them in practice, to exercise not “caring”.
Even now if I comment on a website and I’m aware my opinion is
in contradiction with that of others, I worry what others might say, I
worry that I’ll be called stupid, or insulted or belittled or
whatever.That’s exhausts me, it’s like weight on my shoulders. I know it’s
nonsense,it’s irational, that I shouldn’t take some random dudes opinion of
me so seriously, but it still bothers me.
The internet made me realize Who I am and what my problems are, because in
my daily life I didn’t have contradictory opinion with my friends or people
around me, I always wanted to “fit in”, to please people, to be “the nice
guy”, I used to make people laugh because that attracted people, that put
me in the center of attention, now I realize that I said lots of stuff that
now seems embarrasing, but at that time I wanted people’s attention, in a
good way.
My whole life I’ve been like that, I didn’t refuse others, I’ve always
tried to help them, because otherwise they would stop being “my friends”,
they’d start hating me, I’ve always feared that Deep inside me, even if
back then, as a kid I didn’t fully realize it.
While I was watching your video, I’ve remembered an episode in
highschool, where I didn’t want to help some classmates with something, and
they’ve started saying I’m rude and I’m a jerk etc…
It’s as you said, that I feel I’m such a good person, and that people
should validate that, and when they don’t, it bothers me, it sticks with
me, it feels unfair, because it my mind I wanted to be appreciated, and
respected by everyone, because “I’m good”. I know that it’s basically
impossible to please everyone, to be respected by everyone. I used to doubt
myself when some people didn’t like me, I thought was something wrong with
me, that I’ve offended them in some way, but didn’t realize it.
I need to be more confident in myself, I always doubt myself, when someone
tells me I’m good at something, I’m sceptical about what that person said,
I start questioning his opinion, I think that he said that to make me feel
good, but he doesn’t really think like that, but when someone says
something bad, it demoralizez me, because it kind of validates my fears,
the fear of being stupid and not realizing it, the fear of rejection, or
failure etc…
Your video was spot on, it clicked with me, and made me realize once again,
that I have to take action. I know what my problems are, and I have to
“fix” them, that’s by taking risks and trying not to think “what might
happen”, or “what might people say”.
What a boring jack off.
As Don Miguel Ruiz asserted, don’t take that stuff personally. By the time
someone articulates a judgment against you it has gone through endless
filters created by their own crap, and has nothing to do with you
whatsoever. Agree with their judgment, however? And you allow them to cast
a magic spell over you. SO DON’T AGREE. Be who you are, as you are, in this
moment. You are perfect. <3
You have beautiful eyes! I like your ideas.
I would also like you to address (if you haven’t already since I haven’t
read every single comment or watched every second of your videos) is that
people-pleasers also have a high expectation of others. Therefore, we get
disappointed all the time. When you go into a situation where you don’t
expect much (not being negative, per se, just mellow) then you are not let
down. But those of us who make the mistake of trusting others too soon or
too much and then get pissed off when that person “betrays” us, it’s
devastating. THAT is the dark side of being a people pleaser, IMO.
Awesome video man, I needed to hear this :). Also one thing I’ve found
helpful in order to not fall into douchebag territory is to not be
reactionary, e.g. don’t react to the negativity you might get as a response
of you following your true hearts desire, but rather just keep following it
and let “haters hate”, leave the reactive stuff aside, it’s for the people
who want to be victims.
This is a serious question: How come you shave your head? As a bald man
myself, I only shaved my head when I was first dealing with being bald
because I thought it would somehow make me more attractive. It turns out,
most women are more attracted to me when I keep the hair that is there
short. Also I feel much better all around because it looks natural and
shaving your head doesn’t make too much sense as you are removing so much
weather protection.
So, that said, you seem to shave your head strictly for yourself, as your
rhetoric claims that you have stopped caring what others think of you.
However, one could easily argue that a person that goes to lengths to
modify their appearance is doing it mainly for others, and that there might
be some underlying insecurity they have with the natural look of their
body.
YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D TELL PEOPLE TO SLOW DOWN THE LINE
AT STARBUCKS.
Lol. Couldn’t resist. I loved this video and I can’t wait to see what
happens when I take 4 minutes to decide if I need the venti or the grande.
I’m recovering from a dependent personality issue. This should be fun.
your teachings are great! and the first exercise is contained in the book
of sanscrit. its a 3part mantra. 1) i am independent of the good or bad
opinions of others 2) i feel neither above or below anyone 3) i am fearless
in the face of any situation. if you believe in the law of attraction this
mantra alone recited daily can dramatically improve the speed in which your
thoughts manifest #nokidding . namaste
Just one more month till I hit 3 months of this affirmation haven’t skipped
a day 5 min. Soon it’ll tap into my subconscious mind. Did the Starbucks
exercise no one really did much I think it’s Cuz I’m a bodybuilder haha
Hey Leo,
This is the first video that I have ever watched from your channel and I am
really impressed. This was extremely helpful for me, I felt really
understood in my current situation. You know Ive started doing
YouTube-Videos myself and I am checking like 10 times a day if I have any
new subscribers, comments or positive feedback. The reason why I searched a
video like this was the fact that I lost a subscriber.. 1 out of 260 which
is rediculous when you think about it.. But I was like: hey.. I need to get
this pressure off me because it’s basically destroying my life and takes
away a lot of the fun in making videos. I am definitely going to do the
exercises that you gave me because I really think it will help me a lot.
Just one single question:
As you were talking about “peoplepleasers” all the time and that its bad to
be one.. I still believe that making other people happy is a great thing as
long as you do not forget yourself, but I personally like the people that
make others happy (just by their appearance, maybe it is because they are
not fake)
so do you still think that improving other peoples for example confidence
is a good thing?
He says he doesn’t care what people think of him but if I said that hanging
your pen off the neck of your shirt is a subhuman characteristic he’d be
destroyed
I signed up for your news letter today before work. I watched a few videos
then and I hung on every word, really. Two interesting things, or topics,
came about from my introduction to you. The first is; moments ago as I
pondered posting on this video, I was concerned about the opinion of others
viewing my post. Annnnd moving on to the second interesting thing; I was
thinking a lot about the “violation of standards” idea while I was at work
today and I was noticeably walking taller, had more confidence, and
experienced a reduced stress level. That last one there is the kicker.
Somehow, you may have gotten the idea I’ve been looking for to sink in.
I’ll let you know if it works out. An obvious “thank you” from me to you
for today, especially if that success reaches into tomorrow. Until next
time, “I am completely independent of the good or the bad opinion of
others,” or as you so eloquently reduced; “…not caring a fuck.”
STILL WAITING FOR THE YOUTUBE APOLOGIESSSSSSSSSSSSS
I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE
I AM DESTINED FOR THIS
AND I AM FEARLESSS
I AM GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! EVERYTHING YOU HAVE JUST SAID IS EXACTLY TRUE
IN MY WHOLE LIFE. I SUFFER FROM SCHIZOPHRENIA – BORN WITH IT. I BELIEVE
THAT I HAD DEVELOPED ANOTHER PERSONALITY JUST TO GET ME THRU THE DAY, AND
GET ALONG WITH SOCIETY. I HEAR THOUSANDS OF VOICES YELLING AT ME WHEN I SEE
OTHER PEOPLES REACTIONS TO ME. I FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE TO FAKE A
PERSONALITY JUST SO PEOPLE WON’T THINK I AM FREEKIN CRAZY. WHAT DO YOU
THINK? AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELP WITH MY DEPRESSION……I AM SEEING
SOME LIGHT AT THE END OF DEATHS TUNNEL.
I’ve been saying “I am completely independant of the opinions of others”
to myself 5 minutes a day for 2 months now.It is apparent to me that I am
just as concerned about the opinions of others as I was before I watched
this video…………
I am 15 and this helped me so much. I realized even with my teachers i go
out of my way to “please” them. This is something i struggled with, without
recognizing what i hated about myself. I knew i wasn’t being true to myself
but I didn’t realize how.
I related to this video completely. Even while watching it and writing
this, i thought “I wonder if Leo will agree with me and think I am
intelligent”… I realized it is extremely hard to come out of that state
of mind.
But i am deciding right now I am going to try the exercises you suggested.
Thank you so much! I love your videos, they help me a ton!
I finally managed myself last to the end of the video and I would like to
thank you for great message. It’s so sad that we care so much about what
others think about us that we stop to live our own live.
PS little question. The affirmation better works if I use it in my own
language or in English. Does it really matter which one?
i am crying now i wasted so much time to think wat my relatives think about
me whom i meet only in 4 once a 4 years u changes my life love u
what a game changer video. i sew this video several times as if this is
exactly and only for me, the reason is all the story on this video is
exactly the same with mine. and i was wondering and i have never tought
i’ll get the answer on a single video. just ive no words to say yo THANK U.
im also watchig other videos of yours and they are helpping me a lot. God
bless u.
Leo, your videos have been helpful. I would like to say that I boycott
Starbucks because of the GMO issue. I am utterly against GMO and the
unethical approach of the majority of the giant corporations as such. ;-)
Repeating “I am completely independent of the good and bad opinions of
others”, doesn’t the law of attraction work by what we focus on? When we
think about the “opinions”, wouldn’t that make our subconscious mind think
about the opinions? Isn’t a better way to do this exercise is by saying “I
have my ground values”? i.e. thinking about what we want rather than what
we don’t want, and here, we don’t want to focus on the opinions.
Leo, this video is a very kind and caring thing you do for others…
actually it shows you care. But this is authentic self, caring
authentically for others. This is true empathy. True compassion.
I stopped caring a while back. But I didn’t go being rude and stuff. I
still try to better myself physically mentally and so on. I just love
The long video was well worth it, I picked up a lot looking forward to
watch more, bigdon
OMG I DID THE STARBUCKS THING JUST TO PISS PEOPLE OFF I had to laugh so
much as you said this
It’s really help if your suggestion!!!! I will try that today!!!!!!!!!!
Leo I’m getting you this shirt
http://www.tillys.com/tillys/product/DGK-Motivators-Mens-T-Shirt/218747100;jsessionid=vB3n6sdJBp9njg2hK3zwWLEG.store2a?_requestid=18006
Also about the Starbucks thing even if u already know what u want to order
should u still just stand there?
I helped a “friend” out for 2 years, until i realised he was a lying
cheating drug addict. Fuck being a people pleaser. Now i keep myself to
myself and just dont interact with the human race. There are very few
people you can rely on or trust in this world that wont take advantage in
some way.
Leo, I’d like to thank you for the mantra, ” I am completely
independent…opinions of others.”
I have lived my life in a tumbling box, flipping end for end, and every
which way, trying to please and get pleased. I recognized for a long time
the good and great qualities about myself wrapped up in lowered self
esteem. I doubted myself, but at the same time I knew I was better than
what I thought others saw in me. I came to believe and live my life through
the opinions of others.
Thing is, I am an athlete for over thirty-five years. Great shape, healthy
as can be considering my life’s experiences. Good looking. Blah, blah. Yet,
I still suffered from many of the laments of the people that post here.
I would have never thought of saying To myself, “I am completely
independent of the good or bad opinions of others”.
THIS PHRASE HAS SET ME FREE IN SO MANY WAYS!!!
Thank you
You’re taking the words out of my mouth dude. The problem is that you have
to constantly remind yourself of this and it’s so easy to fall back into
patterns.
So I really appreciate that you have created an instant reboot disk for me.
I’m so full of viruses atm and I’m skimming the code for the damage caused.
You are saving me a lot of time digging up past memories and conclusions,
and this made me realize that I need to write epiphanies down
subsequently so that I can study myself in a more effective manner. So that
I can strive instead of strife.
Watching this I came in touch with a few things I lived by but forgot in
the midst of things.
Love you dude. Thank you!
I think you need to have somemore pictures in your video :3
at some point i think i saw your eyes started to water xD . thts cute. your
speech is so precised and detailed . love it!
This whole video was incredible, but that last tip -> I CAN NOT WAIT TO
TRY!!! I always rush, that’s a big one for me. I mean it, I really gotta
work on it. And thanks to you, I’m actually going to try it. Seriously, for
once in my fuckin life, I am gonna stand there like a FUCK-ING ASSHOLE ~
Hello Leo. I watched your video but I still keep carying about what other
people think about me. I’m so depressed :(